This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, September, 2016
Finally, the hideous nuisance that is summer is on its way out. No more suffering through extended vacations, no more being subjected to outdoor warm-weather leisure activities and no more relatively low energy bills. Mercifully, those irritants are coming to an end and we can all get back to what matters: bowling three games a week with a group of people we haven’t seen since the last time we bowled three games.
In honor of the return of league bowling, I present a true story of self-aggrandizement only league bowlers can understand. Especially if you can relate, and I know you can.
When someone bowls a perfect game, as Paul did one fine Tuesday night, he deserves accolades. Whether it was his first (it wasn’t) or his 90th (it wasn’t), everyone within the vicinity will make a point to congratulate him in some way. Almost.
After knocking down the 12th and final strike, Paul was greeted with applause, high fives, handshakes and even a hug from one particularly exuberant reveler. Everyone in the entire league congratulated Paul in some way. Everyone, that is, except Brad, who also happens to be Paul’s teammate.
Among the hoopla surrounding Paul’s well-deserved moment, Brad shouted, “Okay, I got ‘em,” meaning he overcame the odds and successfully marked all the scores on the score sheet. His proclamation was the signal to the first bowler on the opposing team to press the button and start the next game.
Paul’s perfection came in the second game of the night, and with one to play, we’d already been graced with two incredible moments. First, Paul’s 300, and then, even more impressive, Brad’s documenting of the scores.
In the third game, Paul didn’t let up. On his final ball in the 10th, he needed four pins to shoot 800. While a 300 game is the most widely known astonishing accomplishment in bowling, we all know an 800 series is typically regarded as more difficult and impressive within the bowling community.
Paul, as he’d been doing most of the night, struck on his final ball, leaving him with an 806 for the night. Again, accolades were showered upon him by anyone in the purlieu who saw and interpreted the scores.
Brad, however, had done something even more impressive and relayed his feat to anyone who couldn’t avoid hearing: among his three games, he registered two 163s. The same score twice in one night. Incredible.
Because of Paul’s ability to trump his 300 game with an 800 series, and Brad’s unbelievable efforts in bowling two identical scores, then amazingly writing down not only those scores but also the scores of everyone on his pair of lanes, somehow, on this league night, a 300 game was the fourth-best accomplishment on the lanes.
To recap, here’s the list of achievements that night, ranked from most impressive to least impressive:
- Writing scores on a sheet of paper.
- Rolling the same score twice in one night.
- Bowling an 800 series.
- Bowling a 300 game.
A 300 game is a noteworthy accomplishment. An 800 series is even better. But without people like Brad, we might have to settle for those types of achievements meaning something. Thankfully, we know both pale in comparison to the ability to write scores on a sheet of paper and the incredible consistency required to bowl two games of the same score.
Brad’s love of attention is just one of the many reasons league bowling is a worthwhile pursuit and why we should be rejoicing at the closing of beaches, shuttering of patios and the conclusion of general comfort. Put away your white clothes, clear your calendar and load your 78-ball roller into the car. League season is finally back.