This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, February, 2017
Remember when Peg Bundy (Married With Children) bowled a 300? How about when Jill Taylor (Home Improvement) did her little dance after every shot and drilled every rack? When Tim fouled on his last shot, he had to kiss her bowling shoes and emasculate himself in front of all his construction-worker friends.
The Conners went bowling in every episode on Roseanne. The folks on Family Matters rehashed every generic bowling plot in existence.
Why does every sitcom venture into the world of bowling? Because it’s compelling. Yes, even to Hollywood folks who don’t care about formats or topography or even correct scoring, there is always something captivating about someone having to pick up a 7-10 split to win whatever low-stakes contest is being held on that particular show. That’s why The Pressure-Packed 7-10 Attempt is the greatest generic sitcom plot in history, easily edging out Person Gets Carried Away Gambling and Child Mysteriously Gets Impossible-to-Find Christmas Gift that Neither Parent Purchased and Then Stare at the Ceiling in Wonder While Sleigh Bells Jingle.
The record, as far as I know, for most sitcom 7-10 conversions belongs to Bronson Pinchot. His first came in 1989 as Balki Bartokomous on Perfect Strangers, a show that needs to be more readily available in some format somewhere (maybe Xtra Frame?). After an ill-timed eye appointment, during which the doctor put drops in his eyes and he “(couldn’t) see a thing,” Balki was put in the anchor position on Cousin Larry’s team, taking on Mr. Gorpley and his goons, who had been winning the league trophy (and rubbing Larry’s face in it) for years.
Stepping up in the 10th, Balki needed a strike and a spare to win it. He stood on the approach, pins blurry, walked to the line, delivered with his too-new-to-be-controversial two-handed release and blasted the rack for a strike. Could he repeat the shot and win it?
It looked good. “Yes… yes…” said Larry. The dreaded 7-10 split. “No… no…” continued Larry.
Because this was a sitcom, nobody wanted anything to do with the smart play: pick up one of the two pins to tie and settle the match in a rolloff. Besides, if they’d done that, the episode would’ve run long and they would’ve had to cut the final scene in which we all learn a valuable lesson, a crucial component to classic sitcoms.
Balki, through blurry eyes, attempts to make the split. Slow motion kicks in at the foul line, ensuring something inspiring is about to happen. The ball hits the outside of the 7-pin, which gloriously slides into the 10-pin for the conversion and the championship.
Balki, perhaps bolstered by the confidence gained at such a triumphant moment, went on to marry the girl of his dreams, have a beautiful baby boy and presumably live with Cousin Larry for the rest of his life.
Oh, sorry. Retroactive spoiler alert.
Pinchot basked in the glory of that 7-10 pickup as long as he could, not even attempting another one until several years later as a cast member of Step by Step, on which he played Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux.
The Internet Movie Database says this happened in 1997, which seems awfully recent for an episode of Step by Step, but there’s something absurdly picturesque about watching the same man, albeit with a different accent, pick up the same split with the same stock footage.
Confronted with a 7-10 split, some people like to shoot at the pin on the ball-return side, some like to shoot at the pin on the opposite side, some determine their target based on the type of pinsetter, and Pinchot simply uses the same stock footage. Perhaps, there is something to be learned from TV after all.