This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, March, 2017
Finally, we’ve reached that wonderful time of year in which millions of grown adults risk their happiness, hopes, dreams, sanity and life savings by investing it all in a group of basketball-playing 18-year-old society-declared adults with eight years of eligibility left on their parents’ health-insurance plans.
After 31 maximum allowable qualifying games, which is way too few, the NCAA selection committee determines the teams that deserve a chance at a national championship. The first time this was done, in 1939, the committee decided eight teams were worthy, except it wasn’t fair someone was left out, so they raised it to 16, but then it wasn’t fair someone else was left out, so they raised it to somewhere between 22 and 25 from 1953-74 (confusing but still unfair), so they raised it to 32, then 40, then 48, then 52, then 53, before finally moving to the famous bracket-friendly 64 in 1985, except somehow there continued to be someone left out, so they went to 65, but even then it was unfair, so now it’s 68 and, let’s call a diamond a diamond, it’s still not fair.
When will someone devise a format that accurately seeds all NCAA basketball teams, places the games in truly neutral settings and guarantees the best team will win? And what kind of shoes are they wearing?
A Change in Seasons
March also brings us in the northern hemisphere the vernal equinox, while those of us in the southern hemisphere experience the autumnal equinox. If you live on the equator, I don’t know what, if anything, you experience.
This is the special time of year in which the axis rotation of the earth (depending on its unique positive axis point and influenced by its core, obviously) matches up with the rays of the sun. At the exact moment of the equinox, the sun’s rays add shine to cover the northern and southern hemispheres equally. Immediately following the equinox, the sun’s rays focus increasingly more on the northern hemisphere, which adjusts to spring and summer, while autumn and winter line up south of the equator.
Because of this, the earth goes through some surface changes, with leaves turning color, ice and snow melting in the north and forming in the south, helping to maintain playability throughout the next several months without becoming too skid-flippy.
In Other News
March 1 is Beer Day in Iceland, so any Icelanders reading this should remember to leave your name shirts in the closet that day. Meanwhile, Americans are preparing for National Canadian Bacon Day (March 3), National Cheese Doodle Day (5th), National Crown Roast of Pork Day (7th) and National Peanut Cluster Day (8th) before the potentially intertwining National Crabmeat and National Meatball Day on the 9th. Perhaps, fellow Americans, it’s time we stop honoring foods every day of the year and start bowling more.
A Very Small Slice of Pi
March 14 marks the one day a year everyone who hated high-school geometry pretends to be a math-loving nerd. Those of us in bowling are constantly reaping the benefits (or cursing the pitfalls) of pi, which of course is crucial to circumferences, areas and everything else circle- and sphere-related that helps us talk about bowling balls at a level so far over the heads of the general public, they really have no choice but to run out, buy a drill press and devote their lives to altering pitches.
Women’s History
Perhaps most important, March is also Women’s History Month in the United States, Canada and Australia, which naturally leads us to want to discuss great female accomplishments in bowling. Debate the top 68 amongst yourselves, as I will not risk printing any examples for the certain fear of unfairly leaving someone out. In any case, the top current players return with the PWBA in April. That’s good news and reason enough to push through all these absurd food-worshiping days in March.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day.