This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, November, 2017
I bowled my first 300 game was when I was eight years old. I was the youngest to ever do it, but still haven’t been given credit. I think I’m right behind Glenn Allison on the review list. My brother and I rode our bikes to the bowling alley (they were still called alleys at the time) and I achieved perfection with a 10-pound house ball and ill-fitting rental shoes. My brother can vouch for me. I’d show you the manual score sheet, but I think it blew away on the ride home. That or we used it to clean up a mess of melted cheese. Because it was during open bowling, it wasn’t sanctioned, but the local paper did a story on me. Of course, that was the day of the fateful printing-press fire that prevented that edition from ever going out.
My next 300 game came in league. I was pre-bowling in a near-empty bowling center. There was only one person working that day, and he wasn’t paying much attention to me. As he printed the scores to put into the league file, he noticed my incredible score and asked why seven of the strikes were highlighted. Bad scoring unit, I told him. Kept counting my strikes as nines, forcing me to manually change them to strikes. Obviously.
After that, I rolled a 300 in a no-tap event. It was extremely aggravating, because all 12 were real strikes. Even those who were with me won’t give me credit for it, despite personally witnessing me roll 12 real strikes. No one else even accomplished perfection with no-tap allowances, and yet they wouldn’t give me my proper due for bowling a real 300 game. Trust me, though. I did it.
Fueled by the lack of adoration I was getting, I went on a streak of bowling at least one perfect game a week during open bowling, occasionally putting up a couple perfectos at cosmic bowling, just to show the kids how it’s done. None of that was sanctioned, but I’m not in it for the awards. I know in my heart I did it. And I’m sure those kids are still telling their friends about the time some guy next to them struck repeatedly under the disco ball.
I’m not always perfect; I’ve also intentionally given up several would-have-been perfect games. Once, I accidentally bowled my 11th shot on the wrong lane. Even though I struck, some rules stickler who happened to be there told me I had to re-bowl the shot on the correct lane. I was so angry at his interference, I intentionally chucked it in the gutter just so he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing a perfect game. I then went to the bowling center across town and struck 12 times in 12 tries.
Several other instances, after I get the first 11 strikes, which admittedly happens every game, I intentionally pick off a certain number of pins. I’ve bowled every possible 290 score at least a dozen times, always during open bowling with no witnesses, because, again, I don’t care about the accolades. Because I’m so humble, I now make it a rule to never bowl an honor score when anyone is looking. Fanfare would make me uncomfortable.
Recently, I broke that rule: I bowled four consecutive 900 series during open bowling one Saturday. 144 strikes in a row. Some would say that’s gross.
After my 144th strike, I packed up my single bowling ball and walked toward the door. People hollered after me, “Don’t you want to see how many more you can throw?”
“Roll,” I corrected. “Not throw.”