This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, April, 2018
One of the most important homonyms (or homographs, if you want to get extra picky) in bowling is “approach.” It can refer to the actual area in front of the foul line on which bowlers stand prior to rolling their shots, as in, “This squad is three hours behind schedule because everybody is standing on the approach yielding to no one.” Or, it can refer to a bowler’s stride toward the foul line, such as, “Finally, someone took it upon himself to make his approach and get this squad moving again.”
With all that out of the way, let’s approach the issue of humidity affecting the approach to the point it hinders a bowler’s approach.
Invariably, when the weather is particularly nasty outside a bowling tournament, someone will proclaim it as “Great bowling weather.” This is a good statement in that it allows strangers to have a friendly, albeit substance-free, exchange. Even if it only raises their spirits a tiny bit, it’s worth it, as the world needs more friendly moments.
However, taken literally, “Great bowling weather” (and its similar safe supply, “I’m glad bowling is an indoor sport”) implies the game is immune from the elements. Weather does whatever it wants, but while that may impact golf or baseball, bowling is unaffected.
Not true, obviously. What happens outside drastically influences what happens inside. And, when we say “inside,” we not only mean inside the bowling center, but also inside the bowlers’ heads.
A Tacky Approach
Synthetic approaches, with their small, shallow pores, can’t absorb much of anything, which is why you shouldn’t bowl during the day in August when don’t-even-know-what-a-positive-axis-point-is-but-still-fun-loving kids are spilling their soda and candy all over the place. When it rained the night before, or is raining right now, or might rain within a day or two, humidity collects on top of the approach, making it stickier than usual.
In this case, don’t be surprised to see a lot of practice slides (one of the greatly underrated aspects of the sport) stop short. If you’re a bowler, make sure you have your slickest sole pads ready.
A Slick Approach
Has it been remarkably dry? Cold? The opposite will happen. The same way you constantly need to add and remove thumb tape based on how the weather and other conditions affect the size of your thumb, you need to change your approach to your approach on the approach based on what the weather is doing to the slipperiness of the approach, the redundancy of which, I hope, is beyond reproach.
In this case, you may want to wear rubber-soled athletic shoes to prevent yourself from hilariously gliding onto the lane. Obviously, that is an exaggeration, as you should always wear bowling shoes when bowling, unless of course you’re participating in a televised celebrity exhibition.
A Paranoid Approach
We can look at forecasts, but we can’t be certain about the weather until it’s actually happening. We can look at previous lane analysis, topographical maps and oil-pattern graphs, but we can’t be certain about the lane conditions until we actually roll a ball.
The only thing about which a bowler can be certain is the weather outside will change the conditions inside to the advantage of every single person in the building except him. He will be at a distinct disadvantage and face insurmountable odds. Everyone else will have everything exactly as they like it, meaning all they have to do is show up and they’ll make the cut.
When he makes the cut, though, it’s because he overcame all obstacles, battled an unfriendly approach, navigated an oddly changing oil pattern and pured every single shot. Then, the weather changes again overnight, to the advantage of everyone but him, and he finishes 20th.