This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, August, 2018
Early in the morning, as the dew still glistens atop the surrounding farm land, pins are already crashing inside the bowling center. Professional bowlers move from lane to lane within a designated range, trying every bowling ball in their armoire-sized roller bags, hurling shots in all directions without care for the actual pinfall, as scores won’t matter for another 40 minutes or so. This is pre-practice practice. Fans settle in behind their favorite bowlers, excited for the full day of bowling ahead of them.
Meanwhile, the competition pairs outside the designated range have been oiled but remain vacant, settling themselves for the competition to come. The calm before the Storm, Roto Grip, 900 Global, Motiv, Brunswick, DV8, Ebonite, Columbia 300, Hammer and Track.
Over a crackling PA system, we hear the golden tones of the tournament director: “Players, hold up on your practice; it’s time to start practice.”
The players carefully pack their rolling closets with bowling balls and wheel everything to the competition pairs.
Fans, who had already settled in, had their breakfast sandwiches delivered to their spots and taken one bite, meaning their hands are greasy enough for any movement to be inconvenient, wonder why their once-prime seats are now completely useless. Frantically, they pack up their programs, purses, coffees, sandwiches and napkins, then bolt to the previously vacant pairs, clamoring to get a great seat for the second time prior to 8 a.m. that day.
Pre-practice practice was nice for the players, allowing them to warm up, test a couple strategic options, and get ready to play, but now, it counts.
Well, no, it still doesn’t count, but it means a little more as they get an additional 15 minutes of practice on what will be their starting lanes. The practice shots they roll now can actually have an impact on the real shots they might eventually roll in the first game of competition.
With eight full games of qualifying ahead of them (followed by a quick break and then eight more games), it’s amazing to witness the endurance of these human beings who have voluntarily added an entire hour of bowling to their already-scheduled 10 hours for the day.
“Players, you have two minutes of practice remaining,” announces the tournament director, who adds, “except for those of you on 19 and 20, who will get an additional five minutes due to a breakdown.”
Of all the practice, perhaps the best practice is the our-lanes-broke-down-during-practice practice.
For the uninitiated, there’s no skipping procedure during pre-practice practice nor during real practice. Bowlers don’t have to yield to anything or anyone, don’t even require full racks and can all bowl at exactly the same time if they want. Once competition starts, though, the one-pair courtesy rule comes into play. Yield one pair left, one pair right, bowl.
Thus, the players on 19 and 20, who have been pre-practice practicing for a half hour, plus an additional 10 minutes of real practice, going as quickly as they want (or can) to get as many shots in as possible, suddenly have to yield to the competition while continuing to practice, convoluting the timing of both the competitors and the practicers.
Everyone is thrown off, especially Barry, the fan who, in a well-meaning gesture, inevitably spilled his ketchup-smothered hash browns all over his clean white shirt when he ran to the front counter to inform someone the scores weren’t working on 19 and 20.
After all this, we get to another staple at every bowling tournament: the fifth-frame conversation between the announcers, talking about how they’re surprised the scores are so low after the players got 15 minutes of practice on their pairs. And if that doesn’t make you want to stick around for game two (when the players score better every time for some reason), nothing will.