This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, December, 2018
Recently, while bowling in a late-night, non-sanctioned, alcohol-free misfit league, a group of four nicely dressed individuals—two women, two men, all probably in their late 20s—walked into the bowling center. My teammates and I observed them, then wondered, “Who walks into a bowling alley at 10:30 p.m. on a Tuesday?”
It’s a fair question, but we’ll get back to that.
The foursome, I would further speculate, were out for a nice dinner on what appeared to be a double date in which they were all happy to partake. They seemed to all be friends and possibly enjoyed each other’s company. In all likelihood, they were having such a good time at dinner, they didn’t want it to end, and one of them said, “Let’s go bowling.”
Then, presumably after laughing for a moment, they actually did go bowling.
Sure, they were terrible and yes, the one drunk guy clad in ill-fitting khakis mocked the league bowlers and yes, the other guy and his ladyfriend spent the entire evening making out in the settee area, but they paid their money, traded their 18-inch heels for bowling shoes and became customers.
They also complained about alcohol not being served in the center, which is completely acceptable as the mere fact they complained about something means they are well suited to become lifelong bowlers.
Getting back to the initial speculation: who walks into a bowling alley at 10:30 p.m. on a Tuesday? The worst part about that question is it’s a legitimate question. It’s strange enough to see random humans want to bowl on Tuesday night that their presence is considered odd.
What else would they be doing? Watching 47 consecutive episodes of some great show on Netflix that I’d certainly love if only I’d give it a chance by watching the first three seasons? Texting their friends, presumably about some great show I’d certainly love if only I’d give it a chance? Sleeping?
None of those alternate activities are nearly as wonderful as late-night bowling. We shouldn’t be wondering why they walked in. Rather, we should simultaneously be glad they walked in and full of resentment because they’re still making out. Still, we should be happy they chose to do so in a bowling center rather than at home, where the slightest peck on the cheek can cause an important whispered line from some great show I’m sure I’d love if I’d give it a chance to go unheard, requiring a complete re-watch of the episode.
Why aren’t there more people who, even if they went out for a different reason, come up with the legitimately brilliant idea to go bowling? Since anybody reading this sentence is passionate enough about bowling to subscribe to a niche publication, obviously we’re not the problem. However, we can be the solution.
I don’t know which of the four people from my tale uttered the crucial “Let’s go bowling” words, but that person is a hero. The other three were smart enough to agree. All we need to do now is be that hero. Suggest bowling as the evening’s main activity or as a nightcap and watch everyone agree. You will have come up with the best idea of the evening, and as long as you don’t make a big deal about not having all your equipment with you and thus won’t perform as well as normal, everyone will have fun.
This is all assuming you’re not in the middle of some great show I’m sure I’d love if I’d just give it a chance. After the series finale, though, step out of the house and onto the approaches.