This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, January, 2019
Bowling enters 2019 with more optimism than any time in recent memory. In The One Board’s third annual year-start countup, we anticipate 19 reasons—some obvious, some subtle, some obviously subtly obvious—2019 is going to be a tremendous year, principally due to bowling.
- The PBA begins its run on Fox.
- The PBA on Fox means the return of Rob Stone, which means the bowling community has an opportunity once again divide itself over whether or not four strikes in a row is called a hambone or a four-bagger. Amazingly, the bowling community refuses to argue about it and everyone agrees to simply enjoy the excitement of the hambones all year.
- Players who have demanded a “real tour” for years will spend the first three months of 2019 complaining about being on the road so much…
- …Except the guy who bowls 300 in the title match of one of the February events, wins $1,000,000, welches on all the chop deals and retires to Nice. Or Montana.
- EJ Tackett wins two of the majors in February, guaranteeing Player of the Year honors with 10 months to play.
- Roster turnover in the PBA League is larger than ever.
- The PBA Playoffs prove to be the greatest thing to happen to bowling since 1958.
- A new, demented phishing scam targets bowlers. An email coming from someone named “The Process” asks for bowling balls to be sent as deposits, which will then be returned 300-fold. Bowlers, incapable of not trusting The Process, oblige. The culprit is caught weeks later by a suspicious UPS driver who has never seen so many bowling balls delivered to a single house in such a short period of time, even more impressive because that driver used to work the Stu Williams route in Phoenix.
- Jason Belmonte wins his 10th major title, tying the all-time record and guaranteeing his fourth Player of the Year award.
- For the 61st consecutive year, an immeasurable number of people will be referred to as great guys.
- FloSports creates a crossover promotion between FloBowling and FloTrack. Fans have to guess how many marathons can be completed before the end of A-squad qualifying. The winner of the contest is excused from watching B squad.
- The elite-field PWBA events continue to be as compelling as an event with qualifying rounds can be. Last year’s top three in points—Shannon O’Keefe, Danielle McEwan and Stefanie Johnson—each win one of the first three events, guaranteeing themselves the Player of the Year award.
- In an all-Liz final at the fourth event, Kuhlkin beats Johnson by one pin at the USBC Queens, guaranteeing herself the Player of the Year award. Johnson is okay, as she’s already guaranteed the award due to résumé.
- Governments around the world change the length of a week to two days, which is an easy transition for bowling, where we’ve been saying “all week” in reference to two-day events for years.
- For the first time in history, a bowler—let’s say Josh Blanchard—rolls 299 during qualifying and thanks the person with the video camera for capturing the excitement.
- The PBA50’s Matrix of Fairness evolves yet again, this time awarding the title to the leader of qualifying, but still requiring bowlers to play cashers round, match play and the stepladder finals to determine how much money everyone gets. If the qualifying leader bails before any of that bonus bowling, he’s stripped of his title, which is then awarded to the winner of a special five-frame, three-person match between the leading casher, a randomly drawn bowler who missed the cut, and the first fan aged 60 or older to report to the front desk. If two fans reach the front desk at the same time, and pending age verification, they must compete in a one-game rolloff on a neutral pair they’ve both either watched or not watched all day.
- Jakob Butturff guarantees himself Player of the Year by leading the U.S. Open field by nine thousand pins.
- Need more games.
- Andrew Anderson and Jordan Richard win PBA and PWBA Player of the Year, respectively, guaranteeing that guarantees mean nothing.
Happy 2019, bowling fans.