This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, March, 2019
Bowling vernacular continues to astound in its breadth, absurd reach and ability to hijack phrases—even those that could formerly be used in other walks of life—as its own. This month, we explore a few phrases bowling has annexed, rendering them completely meaningless except in a bowling context.
Appropriating Bartenders
In bartending, a wet/dry shake is used to create a luscious egg-white froth on top of a beverage. The skilled barman will combine all ingredients except the egg white into a shaker, add ice, and shake vigorously to chill the drink. That’s the wet shake. Next, he’ll get rid of the ice, add the egg white and do a dry shake (meaning without ice) to allow the egg white to turn into a beautiful foam. Cocktail aficionados understand there are some schools of bartending that do the dry shake first, but either way, it’s being shaken twice; the wet/dry shake.
The terminology is rendered meaningless though, as all we can think of when anticipating our Pisco sours is the fact that a tiny error left or right and we’re facing a horrible mess in the pin deck. Wet/dry is gone from bartending—and vacuums, by the way—and is exclusive to bowling.
Usurping Aviation Enthusiasts
Pilots, aspiring pilots and plane watchers frequently use the word “approach” as if it still belongs to them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t. Making a final approach into Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport doesn’t bring to mind any meaning except that the pilot must be rolling the fill ball, making it his final approach of the day.
How air-traffic controllers and pilots are able to navigate the intricate air-travel system around the world is mind-boggling on its own, but think of how much added stress these people face with images of all those fill balls going down the runways.
Seizing From Other Sports
Remember when a line change in hockey meant something? The players on the ice made their way to the bench while being replaced by an equal number of players (one hopes) from the bench. Now, it must all be done by intuition, as stubborn coaches hanging on to shouting “line change” are only confusing their players, whose minds associate the phrase with making a big move on the lane to completely alter the shape of a bowler’s shot. The same confounding thoughts permeate hockey players’ minds if the coach has the gall to mention zones.
People used to talk about the pin position on a golf course. Whether it was in the front, middle or back of the green would alter a player’s approach (like pilots, golfers have also lost this word). Now, a pin position can only refer to the layout on a bowling ball or the spot of a pin on the deck. Does golf have any phrases left? Pin position, approach, par, hook, flag, ball—all conceded to bowling.
Invading Brooklyn
An entire borough of New York City lost its identity when bowling decided to name the wrong side of the pocket after the land colonized by the Dutch in 1646. Incidentally, the Dutch have also been tarnished by bowling and its decree that alternating strikes and spares is called a Dutch 200. What does bowling have against the Dutch?
Owning Qualifying
There are other sports with qualifying rounds. There are loans that require applicants to qualify. Sweepstakes winners have to meet qualifications to be eligible to claim their prizes. Thanks to bowling, “qualifying” is stricken with an inherent dread that makes people hope their loans are rejected and their sweepstakes entries remain uncalled.
Qualifying, from the inception to the end of time (and that’s just B squad), along with all these other terms, will forever be exclusive to bowling.