This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, July, 2021
One of the most essential of the many important things a bowler must conquer to find sustained success is lane topography. Whether they have access to topographical charts or have to figure it out by watching the ball roll down the lane (or both), bowlers have to be able to adapt to different topographical challenges from bowling center to bowling center, pair to pair and lane to lane.
The best players have an innate mastery of cartography, just as they intuitively understand every facet of complex fields like physics, meteorology and calculus. Even if players can’t necessarily explain to you why certain things are the way they are (although it’s fair to note there are those who can), they simply know it. This breeds confidence, which leads to better shots, which beget higher scores, which turn into more titles.
Partly because their knowledge is inborn but also because they don’t want to be offensive, a bowler will give you one of four very friendly answers if you ask about topography related to a specific tournament.
As a public service, here’s a handy guide translating what a bowler says about topography to what he or she really means about topography, bowling and life:
“The topography is pretty good here.”
The lanes aren’t perfectly flat, but they’re close. Any minor slants aren’t enough to negatively impact my ball too much and, most important, the lanes seem to favor my ball more than anyone else’s. I see no problems in my game and a lot of names behind mine on the leaderboard. I’m excited for round two.
“The lanes can be a little tricky.”
The lanes are legitimately pretty good throughout the house. However, they clearly favor that guy’s ball more than mine, which is unfair. Still, if I can control the pocket by consistently getting to the breakpoint and somehow get my ball to go through the pins correctly, I still have a chance, so I don’t want to complain yet. I reserve the right to complain later, though, if that guy’s ball keeps hitting valleys while I’m constantly hiking up mountains. I’m also thinking about spreading a rumor that 27-28 are tough without doing any research to see if that’s true just to get into some other guys’ heads a little bit. We’ll see how tomorrow goes.
“The lanes are different pair to pair.”
This is not a fun place to bowl. I’m basically spelunking without a headlamp while these other guys have miles of visibility and just have to let go of the ball in order to strike. I have no chance to make the cut and if it weren’t for pure luck, the guys averaging 240 wouldn’t have a chance, either. It’s a mental grind no matter how much trust I have in the process. I can’t use the same ball on my next pair as I used on the previous pair and it doesn’t help that I have to follow all those high-rev-rate guys. Plus, I have to start on 27-28 tomorrow and I heard that pair is really difficult. I feel good physically though. I guess this just isn’t my week, but I’m looking forward to next week.
“Every lane is different.”
What a mess. This is the worst place I’ve ever been in my life. I knew from the first shot of practice that every lane in this house was completely different. Magellan died before his expedition fully circumnavigated the globe and it was probably because of topography like this in the Philippines. None of the lanes are flat and I have no chance at all. It’s like the lanes were built by and for the guys averaging 240. The other three bowlers on my cross are all in their first tournament and spraying shots all over the place. Plus, I lost my lucky thumb slug last night. I may withdraw from this tournament and get a couple extra days at home. In fact, I may withdraw from all the upcoming tournaments and call it a career. Then again, I did figure something out toward the end of the block. If only I had another 12 games, I think I could catch the leader.