This installment of The One Board originally appeared in Bowlers Journal International, October, 2023
In our previous installment of why bowling is better than all other sports (Bowlers Journal International, September, 2021), we addressed unpredictability, long days, short weeks and everyone being better than everyone while no one is better than anyone. In this, installment 2/ (this is a social-media thread reference and not a two-spare bowling frame), we further explore why no other sport in the world can approach, pun intended, bowling.
Frequent Format Explanations
During every round of professional (or semi-professional or amateur or semi-amateur or sub-amateur) bowling, we as fans are treated to repeated reminders of the tournament format. This group of players is bowling this many games before another group of players bowls the same number of games before a cut to the top certain number of players leads to another round of qualifying or match play or bracket play or whatever it may be and then another cut, if applicable, leading to the stepladder finals or head-to-head finals or other type of championship match. Over the course of a five-hour qualifying round, we get to hear the format at least 38 times.
Can you remember the last time you watched a baseball or basketball or hockey game in which you were reminded of the format? No. It doesn’t happen. Those sports assume we know what’s going on and don’t tell us, which is insulting. Bowling wins again.
Frequent Format Changes
The format reminders are important because one never knows from “week” to “week” or league to league what the format is. This gives us variety and a chance to see championships decided in different ways. Sure, the same players win anyway (EJ Tackett’s five wins in 2023 covered four different tournament formats, Anthony Simonsen’s three wins covered three different tournament formats and Packy Hanrahan’s two wins covered two different tournament formats), but it’s fun never to know what’s next. Much more interesting than the sheer boredom and monotony of knowing every hockey game is going to consist of three 20-minute periods.
Unmatched Athleticism
Bowling asks its athletes to be at absolute peak performance for five to 12 hours a day, depending on how many squads are out there. Professional basketball players need to perform at their best for maybe three hours, which includes halftime and substitutions and timeouts. Hockey players also need to perform for up to three hours, but in 30-second shifts and with two 17-minute intermissions built in. Bowlers get physical rests between shots while their lanemates bowl, but if they’re in a single-squad, two-blocks-a-day tournament (we may need another format reminder to be sure), that’s at least 10 hours of having to stay mentally sharp 100% of the time and physically sharp during every shot. No other athletes are asked to do this because no other athletes can do this. Bowling, again, is superior.
Nice Pants
Although a relatively common complaint among some, bowlers at the professional level wear decent pants. Baseball players: weird tights, occasionally with stripes. Basketball players: shorts. Hockey players: padded shorts with odd socks over the shins. Bowlers simply put on a decent pair of slacks and go compete.
Wholesome Content
In team sports, trust is important. Coaches have to trust their players and vice versa, the player passing the playing module needs to trust the player receiving the playing module, teammates need to know they’ll support each other in all situations and the teams that do this best generally succeed. Still, this trust is never unconditional and there are always exceptions.
Bowling, despite being an individual sport, is the best example among all of humanity for knowing how to trust. No matter the outcome, a bowler will never lose his or her trust in The Process. It’s wholesome, moral and a great example for not just athletes in other sports but also all human beings to follow. There’s too much cynicism in the world. Emulate a bowler: trust The Process.
Bowling is Best
Unlike the single-minded prima donnas in other sports, bowlers are athletes in nice pants who can compete at the highest level for 12 straight hours in an ever-changing tournament format and have the emotional capacity for unconditional trust. Bowling far transcends every other sport.