This installment of The One Board originally appeared, surprisingly, in Bowlers Journal International, January, 2024
One of the few great features of pop culture is the generic sitcom plot: the person who abhors gambling accidentally finding a lucky streak and becoming addicted on a trip to Las Vegas or Atlantic City, the husband trying to watch the big game when he’s supposed to be on a date with his wife, kids throwing a party that goes way too far while their parents are out, to name a few. And, of course: The Bowling Episode.
In The Bowling Episode, the character portrayed as being new to or bad at bowling inevitably ends up facing a 7-10 split in the 10th frame. This split must be converted to win the league or a bet with his spouse or some other ultimately meaningless pursuit. We need to ignore the writers’ ignorance regarding bowling scoring and strategy (if converting the 7-10 wins, then knocking down one of the pins ties, resulting in whatever detailed roll-off procedure the Writers Guild negotiated in their last contract). The smart strategy would be for the inept character to be content with knocking down one pin and hope for the best in the roll-off.
In fairness, there may have been a roll-off in waiting on at least three dozen of these episodes, but thankfully our character converts the split every time, then celebrates wildly. Sometimes, the character strikes on the first ball in the 10th and the 7-10 split is on the second, meaning his spare attempt is the final shot and celebrating is acceptable. Other times, the split comes on the first shot in the 10th and the conversion on the second, meaning the TV crew should be just off camera shouting at the elated individual, telling him to stop being happy and immediately throw his meaningless fill ball before resuming his enthusiasm, but maybe that happens during the credits.
Regardless, what we’ve learned from all this is what TV writers, who write for the masses, believe: the most compelling way for a bowling match to be decided is by someone converting the 7-10 split in the final frame to win.
Of course such a thing would be exciting in a real bowling match between two top professionals. But take a week or so and ponder: has it ever happened in the history of the PBA Tour? Not the 7-10 split, necessarily, but a big split like a 6-7 or even 2-4-10. And not one of those third-frame conversions we’re told to remember because that might prove to be big later, and not a ninth-frame conversion that kept the guy in the match he eventually won, but an actual, winning shot.
Mark Roth’s 7-10 conversion happened in the ninth frame against Bill Straub. Had Roth not converted the 7-10, Straub could’ve won. Kris Prather made the 3-4-6-7-10 in the 10th frame of game one of the race-to-two 2019 PBA Playoffs, which was important but was not the winning shot of that game, let alone the match. Similarly, Mike Aulby made the 6-7 split in the ninth frame of the title match in the 1998 ABC Masters that kept him in the match, but he and his opponent, Parker Bohn III, still had to bowl the entire 10th frame.
Pondering further: why would it happen? If a pro needs to convert the 7-10 to win, he’s going to be happy taking out the 10 and going to a roll-off. If he needs to convert a big split to earn a fill ball, still needing at least one pin, then sure, he’ll go for the split. But has that ever happened? Has professional bowling ever given society what they allegedly crave based on generic sitcom plots?
In Kingpin, which is not a sitcom, Big Ern needed all three strikes in the 10th. That is far more common in professional bowling and one could argue even more compelling. A hypothetical 7-10 split conversion to win a tournament would be met with disbelief and euphoria from the player and the crowd, but drilling all three strikes when they are required showcases the athleticism and determination of the player, which is better for many reasons.
Sitcoms, you’ve been getting it wrong, but it doesn’t matter. We only watch sitcoms if they’re aired live so we can record them and watch later while chastising some stranger on social media who posted about what happened.